10.8.09

A whole lot of Nothing

Ok, I got nothing. I used to write about things I did in London and abroad but then James and I have been stuck in unemployment, literally stuck in our house cause we CAN'T afford to do much besides buying our weekly groceries and the occasional cinema stop out of boredom and just to shake up the ole schedule. Nothing says exciting blog reading like watching episodes of Kendra whilst trying to not put on 50lbs after a 'spin' class accident last week, when you can hardly walk, yet try to haul your ass to some sort of gym activity anyway (just so your $100 a month gym fees aren't a complete waste). Ah the life.

I keep trying to tell myself that there's some sort of 'lesson' in all of this unemployment, that eventually things will get better and I WONT turn into a bitter 80 yr old single woman, who lives with 20 cats, who sells her blood on e-bay to pay for her pb&j sandwiches and wears a sweatshirt with an appliqued 'kitty' on the front. I'm trying damn it....swimming like a crazy woman trying to get to her ship thats come in. But the people on the ship are too busy playing croquet on the lido deck and they don't hear me screaming that I want to get on with everyone else. I want to get on the boat!!

Don't get me wrong, I am at least trying very hard to be positive about this and try to look at the glass being full...I guess occassionally I get overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and INCREDIBLY lonely. I am trying so hard to be my best authentic self, to make friends somehow (even if it seems like they all run away after a while) and to progress but it hasn't been easy. I just get so consumed with 'trying' that I forget to 'just be'. I keep paddling along fighting the rapids, but I need to just go with the current. Although my head knows this, its my heart and body that doubt myself and get consumed with doing well. I'm determined to make a difference and to live a good life and I need to stop wasting so much time. I can do things, things will happen but its about trusting and knowing that 'everything is going to be ok'.

So forgive me if I don't have new and exciting posts at the moment of my life in London/travelling. Its just everyday stuff right now that consumes our existence. But in my opinion its the every day, boring, mundane stuff thats the most beautiful.

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