Well, as far as our life is concerned you could say the S*** hit the fan a week or two back. Nine years of avoiding problems just came to a head and we finally said enough. James has been struggling with alcohol abuse off and on for four years and he completely fell off the deep end recently (I've had my own personal issues too to deal with). Relationships are hard enough, but dealing with this and unemployment amongst several other big issues for such a long time have been more than overwhelming to us both. The stresses that we've both dealt with are more than I would wish on anyone. I'm not surprised that James and I have had health issues these last few years either. Its all so inter-related.
Well anyway, James and I have decided to separate. Its only temporary...for one month but its a start. The problem is I have nowhere to go literally and so longer is not realistically feasible. We start next week when James goes off to his parents' for a total of three weeks. I am going away too (more on that closer to the time).
We're hoping that this time apart will be a bit of a healing trip for the both of us so that when we get back together we can either have the strength enough to carry on with building a better relationship or have the courage to part amicably. Whatever we decide we want to be from a place of love and clarity...not resentment or anger. Time apart will give us some space to do just this.
I'm not religious anymore, but I've felt closer to God than I ever have recently. I feel like he's made things possible (like my trip, etc. etc) that could have never happened otherwise. I've felt so cradled and taken care of and that things will be ok. My heart's so full of gratitude right now for this guidance and for the knowledge that this could very well be the start of the journey to finally truly healing my heart.
I want to thank all those who have sent good karma, prayers and thoughts our way these last few weeks. Keep them coming and know that you will be blessed in return.
In the mean time before my trip (again..more on this later), I'm going to spend lots of time of course doing normal day to day things (applications, etc) but try to have a bit of fun too. So of course you'll hear all the juicy, fun details here.
Feeling right now a bit scared, sad...but I know this is all for the best.
Lots of love to you my friends