7.10.09

Rainy Days

picture from here


Well the weather has been like this ever since I got back. Boy do I wish I was lying. Its made the adjustment even worse from sunny 101 degree temperatures to low 50's, gray and completely miserable. The job market is still horrid, I still have relationship stuff to iron out and can't help but want to flee like crazy. I felt like I was in heaven my week away literally and I felt like ugh why can't I keep this incredible joy I had whilst I was there F-O-R-E-V-E-R. I secretly wanted all my problems to disappear when I left (which they did temporarily) but instead they were waiting for me with a big red bow on top once I got home. I've been clinging on to my week away with nails and everything resisting my life here and then read this today:

From Martha Beck, Finding your Own North Star,

"Once you do begin to experience real joy, you will be tempted to cling to whatever brought such happiness into your life....People who haven't felt much joy tend to hang on to every shred of happiness like a drowning victim gripping a rescuer by the neck......They hang on so tightly that they lose their ability to either give or receive. This stops the natural flow of life and quickly kills off the joy it is meant to protect. Albert Camus wrote, "In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." The confidence that your capacity to experience joy is internal and indestructible grows as you let go of joyful experiences and find that they are replaced by others even more wonderful. You learn to hold your own happiness lightly by remembering that YOU are its source,and that there is an infinite supply."

Hello, this is me this week completely. Its the universe telling me again to snap out of it. The way I felt at the healing resort was such a rare experience for me I have been afraid of letting it go because I was afraid I wouldn't have the same joy come to me again. But the truth is...I have to make room for new joy...new lessons...new wonderful experiences to come my way and even if I do have set backs..I'm not the same person as I was before. Once I let it go and trusted in the abundance of good things out there it was not suprising how much better my day was today. I know its only going to get better too, I just know it.

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