I have REALLY felt like withdrawing from the marathon the last few days. We didn't get our 17 miles in on Sunday because I was physically exhausted due to a certain 'thing' girls deal with every month. My 'times of the month' are an absolute bitch for me (been to countless doctors) and I just couldn't deal with my worst of that, plus trying to get through the exhaustion of 17 miles.....it was just too much. I panicked because we've only got 4 of the really long runs left (not including weekly runs) before we have to back off on our mileage. The marathon is only 8 weeks away and I'm TERRIFIED. I'm not sure if I feel ready for this.
I'm scared of screwing this up and not completing it. I'm finding it hard to trust that I can do it. This is really like jumping off a cliff for me big time. However, I've got to stop and just believe that no matter what happens if I do my best, its going to be OK. If I finish then fantastic---I'm going to celebrate. If I don't....I'm going to embrace that too and remember how far I've come.
I have to remember that there's been world champion runners who haven't finished marathons before....people like Haile Gebrselassie and Paula Radcliffe. If I don't finish.....I will just pick myself up and try again. I hear the NYC marathon is in November?
I've been reading a book by Russell Simmons recently and he talks about how our lives are much richer if we focus on joy of the hard work/the process rather than the end result. I mentioned this to James and he said that he sees this as one of the reasons why I get so unhappy with myself sometimes is that I'm too focused on ...oh things will be better for me when I lose this weight, or when I get a job, or when this happens or when that happens. The fact is...I'm always chasing the future that hasn't come yet and I've got to find the beauty in the present moment.
So....... last nights run (2 1/2 hrs), I took a little backpack out with my camera wrapped all snug and cosy and every so often I'd stop and take a picture of something I thought was beautiful along the route, which is the pictures you see above . It was my little exercise in trying to remind myself to enjoy this 'process' with all its ups and downs along the way.
P.S. If you scroll down my side-bar you'll see a little 'Just Giving' button. I'm trying to raise some money for the charity 'Room to Read' with my efforts in this marathon. If you are interested in donating, I'd be grateful for the support.